Deja Vue

I have had alot of that the past few days...... Steven says simply "Im Sorry.. " And we both laugh. Why is that funny?? We try... to laugh....

We were moved back into the Ronald McDonald House on December 4. Sherry, House manager informed us that it was 6 years to the Day 12/04/02 after we moved out of RMH to Target House.

Steven's Good friend Mikey had surgery for the same recurrent tumor a couple of weeks ago. Has been fighting Meningitis since. They finally did another surgery to remove infected bone tissue.. Hopefully he can get to feeling better. Steven battled meningitis for a week after we arrived at St.Jude.

Steven this go round is not feeling sick... not feeling like he needs anything "fixed". Not in that divine state of ignorance as in the first go round. He knows the risks.. knows the pain.. knows recovery... knows...it may benefit... and may not... These things don't cause him worry. This time he worries for .... a wife, parents, siblings, grandparents, family and friends. He worries the pain they would feel if the worst....would happen.. He worries for others.. My only counsel is the same God that holds his future.. Holds ours as well... I hope that is enough..because I have no other answer....


Psalm 111

1[a] Praise the LORD. [b]
I will extol the LORD with all my heart
in the council of the upright and in the assembly.

2 Great are the works of the LORD;
they are pondered by all who delight in them.

3 Glorious and majestic are his deeds,
and his righteousness endures forever.

4 He has caused his wonders to be remembered;
the LORD is gracious and compassionate. ..........

Once again the lord sustains us with his word.. and his people.. Phone calls. Conversations with other parents... Prayers and notes from multitudes of family and friends at just the right moment. Deja Vue.

Politics

With everything going on..the political happenings seem trivial to me most days. However a wise man once said "For evil to triumph only requres good men to do nothing" . Like many of you I am not excited for the 2 choices before us in the presidential race. However, along with Dr. Dobson and many others who cherish their faith and Judeo- christian values, I fear senator Obama and the CHANGES he would bring, far more. Senator Obama is the most liberal Senator in the Senate. He has deliberately avoided taking positions on many controversial issues during his short career in order to cultivate his electability. His record shows however that he has, supported post birth abortion, asssociated with terrorists and favors submitting U.S. autonomy to United Nations authority. The videos posted above explain many of these issues.

My prayers are for Steven and Britney, that God would heal Steven's cancer. And for our country as we approach this most important election.

God's words says
1 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

We must put our hope and trust in the Lord. Not in men and their solutions or promises. And choose to what is right....according to HIS Word... regardless of the cost.

My first and final political post

Friends...

I never journaled much till the dx. Dx, is medical shorthand for diagnosis. I thought I was doing everyone a favor by keeping them up to date on Steven's progress. Maybe a way to get sympathy.... I don't know...the counselor that our family used the summer after Steven's treatment to help us be happier again (yes, we visited a family counselor together) suggested it was my way of coping, a therapeutic release. Thus the reason that I didn't keep up with it in the months and years following was because I, didn't need it anymore. Caringbridge became a reminder... of where he had been for those 7 mos. that seemed like a lifetime. Events in our families history were marked as before Steven "got sick" or after "Steven got sick"... Yes, It changed our lives. As hard as we tried to move on with life it was always there. Somehow we managed to cherish much of the experience... in strange sort of way. Lance Armstrong likened it to winning the toure de france... only more significant in the person that it had made him. I don't know about that. I suppose.. after all he is a survivor.

I started this blog a while back(since Steven was now updating the www.caringbridge.org/ne/steven site, it is his site) with the idea that I could be an encourager...for my kids and someday for my grandkids. The last couple of days....I have struggled....How can I encourage when I can barely fight off the bitterness...that no kid should ever have to do this once, let alone twice. Now Steven is an adult with a wife...So.. he has to answer all the hard questions.... Questions like.... Do you have a will? What about a DNR (do not rececitate)? Who will make these decisions, if you are unable to? He and Britney should not have to do that...but... this is where they are. And they do the hard stuff... without question...So I continue to ask the question. Why? knowing there is no answer in this lifetime. And friends do the best they can to support and encourage. Don't feel bad if you don't know what to say... for,most of the time... there are no right words.

Tonight though, Mary Alice, Had the right words, at just the right time. One of those "little things" I wrote of before, from the Lord, assurance that our prayers are being heard.. Thank you, MA.. for taking the time.. and recalling those painful, life changing, memories. These were her words in Steven's guestbook:

so, another week begins. have been doing lots of thinking back to when Liz relapsed so long ago. did not want to see, talk, hear from anyone, and had to make a really deliberate choice to be open, and not go into a shell and could barely stand to do it all over again. But, we would have not met you...so, God has plans and they are good, for the Earth now, or His new Earth..either way, He loves us, and will not leave you. So, just keep walking forward in faith-it is not easy knowing ahead of time the routine/feeling of yuck, but, your strength is there, now and in the months to come when it gets tough. My prayers today were for your mom, that I could help bear some of this relapse pain, and today for Britney, who has not been there with you through this. Steven, you I know are strength for us all, so I pray God replenishes you each day. We are here for you, and next summer is reserved..This time, we will keep the habit up and not let it slide.
Much love
Mary Alice

The right words, from a friend, who "get's it". Because.... they have been down this path... and survived.. and yet are able to recall what it was like, and as a result assure us we will get to the other side as well. They assure us that our faith is enough, along with God's grace. And I can trust that.. Because they have been here. So thanks to all our friends.. we can never repay the untold kindness and love you have shown and a special thanks for those we met because of the DX, and share a special bond. You know who you are.... friends are friends forever..... When the Lord is Lord of them.

Blessings
LV

Little Things

After receiving news of Steven's relapse, wrestling with the grief, having the hard talks and making the decisions I held my wife close and told her "I needed some " little things" to assure me again how much God cared". Many of you will recall the "chunky chicken noodle soup" experience, the "Duck Hunt", with Jeff Martin, meeting Micheal W. Smith (Smitty to Steven), Having another teenager arrive at Ronald McDonald House, a bus load of friends arriving in Memphis to celebrate Steven's 17th birthday, when Steven was in treatment 6 years ago. Those little things assured me that God heard our prayers and was faithful in meeting Steven's needs.

Amazingly, already, through people willing to reach out, I have been given some little things again. To hang on to... Buck Gardner's visit, Phone calls from friends, messages on Steven's guestbook, blessed assurance, so to speak. Thanks to all of you for being answers to our prayers, as described by a child..... "like Jesus..... with skin on"

Blessings,

Lyle

The lyrics

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed his own blood for my soul.

CHORUS
It is well
With my soul
It is well
it is well
With my soul

My sin--oh, the bliss of this glorious thought:
My sin not in part, but the whole
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And, Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
The trump shall re-sound and the Lord shall descend,
"Even, so," it is well with my soul.

It is well......?

four months after the "6 years ago" post.. Steven has relapsed... In Memphis with his young wife and mother preparing for treatment... praying for miracles... again...

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33 33

Help me Father......to find that peace....... my prayer is for Steven... and Britney...... all of us....

6 years ago

When Steven was diagnosed with a Brain tumor we searched the internet for resources answers and support. One of the places we found it was a forum, newsgroup, List-serve at yahoo groups. One the Pediatric Brain tumor list. The other a medulloblastoma list. We were quite active on the list while under treatment. Wonderful people like Loice and David helped navigate the new path we found ourselves on and later I hope we were able to help others as well. I have not stayed active but do continue to "lurk". We have been blessed to have our son survive and to have been surrounded by so much support. Following is the post I made today on the Brain tumor list.

Friends,
(Long post)
Haven't posted for a long time. Still get the daily updates in my e-
mail. Have contacted a few of you personally if I think I can
encourage. But today as I reflect i wanted to offer hope.

6 years ago today Steven(16) was diagnosed with Medulloblastoma
Brain Cancer on 5/29/02 after weeks of persistent hiccoughs. His
initial surgery was done at Children's Hospital in Omaha. It was
then decided that we would go to St. Jude Children's Research
Hospital in Memphis, Tennessee to participate in a Phase II Clinical
trial for the Radiation and Chemotherapy treatments. On June 28th,
after a bout with meningitis, Steven underwent a second surgery to
remove residual tumor tissue. Steven has completed 31 cranial-spinal
radiation treatments and 4 courses of high dose chemotherapy with
stem cell rescue. Steven was released on January 30th, 2003.

6 years later? 2004- Steven graduated from High School as the
Salutitorian, 2007 - Was married A year ago in January to a lovely
sweet girl he met at a summer job. 2008 - this past May graduated
from College with honors. He will be interning as a youth minister
this Summer at a Church in Omaha, Ne. He and Britney just returned
from a solo canoe trip vacation in the boundary waters of
Minnesota. Many prayers have been answered.

His balance, co-ordination will never be 100% but it did get better
improving for a couple of years following treatment. His vision is
good in a narrow scope and gets worse peripherally. He makes the
trip to St.Jude for annual checkups on his own now. And we wait at
home to hear the results without much anxiety. It has taken time
and conscience decisions to move forward. It has impacted the
entire family. Change has taken place. Much of it for the better.
Britney and Steven don't know if they will be able to have kids. If
not, will adopt.

Pitty parties are few. We have a greater appreciation for those who
have faced physical challenges or handicapped children everyday of
their lives. We reach out to those parents struggling with sick
kids and fears that come with that. And sadly to those who have lost
the battle. Steven made several close friends while at St.Jude, MA
and lizzie, Matt, Tammy, Robert, Jeff, Austin and many others. So
yes there has been grief with the loss of close friends, but that,
because there was love first. We cling to that.

Steven, now 22 is writing a book he started in college as a class
assignment. It is therapeautic even after all this time to bring
closure and discover his identity beyond that of being a
cancer/victim/survivor. Revealing to me things I never knew he was
thinking and feeling.

That is enough for now. Thank you for listening. Hang onto hope,
fight the good fight, great others with a smile along the way.
Treatment is hard but it does come to an end and life, for many goes
on. For those who have lost this battle you have my deepest
condolences and sympathies. You are my heroes.

Blessings,

Lyle (Steven's Dad)
www.caringbridge.org/ne/steven
www.grandparambleson.blogspot.com


On with Life, Let the Sun Shine.

Grandpa

"Moses"

I am not a big movie critic. Mostly I just enjoy turning my brain off and wasting 2 hours on Sci-fi / action adventure or occasionally a tear jerker with the wife. But.... we all have movies that we have watched numerous times over that have created lasting images in our minds.

I first remember going to see "The Ten Commandments" as a youngster with my family at the theatre in Sutton, Ne. Since that night I have always "known" what Moses looked like. Charlton Heston, most recently known for his involvement in 2nd amendment rights advocacy. What you may not have known is that Heston as Moses was great casting. In the world of fantasy and celebrity excesses Heston took unpopular stands because they were right. I will always wonder if his roles in "The Ten Commandments" and "Ben Hur" shaped his character or if his character shaped those roles. To be sure, we need more people in the public eye, standing for what is right regardless of popular opinion or political correctness.

The following from Chuck Colsen at breakpoint.org:
".....and if you had to pick a cultural icon worthy of the status, you could not do much better than Charlton Heston. If you have been reading the tributes, you have seen why: Married to his wife, Lydia, for 64 years, a beloved father and grandfather, a staunch supporter of civil rights who marched with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and stood nearby as King delivered the immortal “I Have a Dream” speech.

Yet there are those who deride Heston for the causes that he devoted himself to later in his life, such as Second Amendment rights and protecting kids from an increasingly coarse culture. I think these people are missing something. It is not the man who goes easily along with the prevailing winds of the culture who most deserves our respect and admiration. It is the man who stands up for his beliefs, against the popular trends of the day—even when he has something to lose.

If Charlton Heston had not been such a man, he never would have supported civil rights when he did—that was a time when much of Hollywood, and much of America, just did not care.

By the same token, if he had not been such a man, he would not have stood up years later in a Time-Warner shareholders’ meeting and read aloud the complete lyrics of rapper Ice-T’s “Cop Killer” CD that Time-Warner had just released. Later, Heston recalled, “When I read the lyrics to the waiting press corps, one of them said ‘We can’t print that.’ ‘I know,’ I replied, ‘but Time-Warner’s selling it.’ Two months later, Time-Warner terminated Ice-T’s contract.” Heston said, “I’ll never be offered another film by Warner, or get a good review from Time magazine.” But much more important to Heston than any career opportunity, was doing what he knew was right.

That is what made him such a great and rare figure. He was not content just to be celebrated as a cultural icon for playing roles like Moses, Ben-Hur, Michelangelo, and others. He was willing to risk scorn and ridicule to be a countercultural icon as well. And he was as courageous in his life as the characters he portrayed on film. May his example inspire many others to take such a stand, to help shape, heal, and transform our culture."

Full article Here

Perky ?!?

I woke up this morning remembering those who have influenced my life. Friends. Not the typical and always remembered ones. Like parents, Coaches, classmates. But others who shared common interests or knowledge. One of those. Perky, Eldon Perkins. Perky was a lot older than I was. He went to church with us. He was a jack of all trades, carpenter, sheep sheerer, taxidermist. A wise man that tried to always do the right thing. Perky never had a lot. But always freely shared what he had. He gave me my first coyote traps and showed me how to out smart the sly dogs. He helped me mount my first 4 point mule deer. He let me borrow scaffold and tools. Perky was the giver in our relationship and I was the receiver and blessed for it. Perky moved away and passed on. I never got to say thank you Perk. But he knew it. So he didn't care that it wasn't said. We need more Perky's. Kind of like Grandpa's on loan. We can do that can't we.

NCC Board Retreat

Peg and I went to Omaha Sunday evening. The NCC Board retreat taking place on Sunday afternoon - evening and Monday. I am always blessed by the wonderful men and women on the NCC board. Seems I always bring more away from our meetings than I contribute. Wonderful people of faith. NCC has had a tremendous influence on our family. Peg and I attending there 76 -78. Then 3 of our 4 Children. Two, Eric and Steven graduating with Bachelors Degrees and seeking full time ministry opportunities. Eric and Bridgette haveing been on staff since graduating in 03. The relocation of the college to the Papillion campus in 2006 was a huge step of faith which God continues to honor.

The real highlight of the trip, naturally, was getting to spend time with Anja ..... and of course Bridget, Eric, Steven and Britney. Michelle was visiting brother Justin and Amy in CA . So she missed out on the Pizza. Peg and I are truly blessed. As proverbs says. Children are a blessing from the Lord. Ours truly are. Enough for tonight. Sleep well.

Blessings,

Grandpa